Things Heard While Changing an 18 month old’s diaper:

“Stop wiggling.”

“No! Don’t touch it. Oh, gross!”

“Stop wiggling.”

“Stay still.”

“The diaper’s going to go up your butt.”

“Stop wiggling.”

“Touch your head. Where’s your hair?”

“I could do this a lot faster if you’d stay still.”

“No, we’ll put your shoes on when we’re done.”

“Stop wiggling.”

“I used 82 wipes on that one.”

“Your mom lied, this isn’t clean and easy.”

“Let’s find your belly.”

“Gelly!”

“Stop wiggling.”