I Prefer Sidelines, I Think...

The daycare used to tell me that Nora didn't talk, that she just sucked her thumb, that she was quiet and calm all day. And I worried. As I wrote before, I worried that all of that observing and "playing" on the sidelines meant she was unhappy at daycare.

Well, as I knew deep down would happen, Nora has broken out of her shell. She talks much more (at home and at daycare) and she also is more interactive. Today I dropped Nora off and Miss Laura told me that Nora has been "lovin' on" all the boys, holding hands and kissing them. On Monday I had to sign an accident report since she had walked into the corner of a table and scratched her nose while holding tightly onto one of the boys' hands. Today that same boy screamed for joy when Nora arrived, "NORA!" And then he proceeded to take his shirt off.

It just so happens that this boy is notorious for his energy and crazy dancing. Miss Laura said that if this is the kind of boy Nora is going to go for, we better start worrying now.

As Nora like to say, "uh-oh."

Oh - and all this kissing has led to yet another sickness for Nora. She came home with a fever today.

Great. Be careful what you wish for, I guess.

From the Sidelines

Before I sent Nora back to daycare I worried about her napping and eating. I worried about missing her too much and about her getting sick. I didn’t worry about her being social, since she always seemed to be a people baby – as evidenced from her game with the hat shown below.

On Tuesday when I picked Nora up after school she ran over to me as usual and started blurting out so many words at once, trying to tell me all she had done that day. As I smiled at her enthusiastic talking, Miss Liz told me that Nora hardly talks all day, that she cuddles and sucks her thumb for much of the time. “She laughs,” she said. But she isn’t the social butterfly I had thought her to be. Miss Liz said that she and Miss Laura had decided that Nora will either be a rebellious teenager or one who makes such astute observations that you wonder where she learned it. I vote for number two.

I left daycare that day upset. I want Nora to have fun, to interact, to show all her beautiful words and songs she sings while she’s home. I took her quiet thumb-sucking as a sign of unhappiness.

My mother reminded me that when I was two and a half and spent my days at Aunt Mary’s with other kids, I had to be bribed to play. I didn’t suck my thumb, but I picked apart my stockings for comfort, refusing to interact with even my cousins or friends I had known for a while (if you can know anyone for a while at 2?). I would report to my mom when she asked me if I deserved my prize that indeed I did not. I didn’t want to play.
I actually remember some of this (scary and cool that Nora may remember soon…), and I don’t remember that I did any of this because I was unhappy.

And then at school I thought about some of my best students who are quiet. One in particular came to mind. She listens intently all class and then usually stops and chats with me on her way out, making very intelligent observations that I wish she would add to the discussion in front of everyone, but that’s not her style. And it wasn’t mine either. I’m sure my high school teachers would be shocked that I stand in front of a group and speak all day. I probably didn’t utter one word until forced in most of my classes. And I think Ken was the same way.

But, like Nora I did have my moments. In kindergarten I was the doll in the play – the center of attention, and I screamed out my lines and belted out my songs to make sure everyone heard what I had to say.

And today, when I got to daycare, Nora ran over and hugged me as usual. But then she ran away, through the tunnel they had open on the floor. She looked at her friend Emily and laughed when she came out the other side. And then she ran up the plastic slide and did her little stomp dance around the room. She was having fun. She didn’t want to run out the door.

So I guess I have to remember that quiet isn’t always bad. That she’s clearly learning (see the ABC video below) that she’s happy all day and sometimes silly. That cuddling isn’t a sign that she misses me all day, but that she loves many people. And that she will have her moments when she steps on the stage and moments when she wants to watch from the sidelines. And it will all be ok.

RIP Summer Vacation

It’s the night before Daycare and all through the house, the mother is stressing, but not her spouse.

So tomorrow is it. Then end of my summer. And Nora will go to daycare and Ken will get his quiet house back and all will return to the chaos of normal that is the school year.

I took Nora to daycare to “visit” on Friday and I’m really glad I did. She was a bit shy at first – she clearly remembered where we were. The director just took her from me even though Nora was clingy. She didn’t cry. She sat on the director’s lap and said some unintelligible words and took it all in. After a brief visit to her new room – the “butterflies” – we went to the office to fill out paperwork. Nora left my side willingly to go and play with one of her teachers from last year who was in the office covering bulletin boards. And I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

While that has made my weekend much less stressful than if she had been a screaming mess during the visit, it hasn’t made me stress free. I am not nearly as anxious as last year. I am not shedding tears into my keyboard right now. I enjoyed my day with Nora today (despite her early waking and short nap).

But every now and then I do stop and think. Will she cry in the morning? Will the teachers understand her words? Will she nap?

And the big one – will she eat?. Can I send my own snack even if they give them snack? When will she drink her milk? She grazes all day with me and I help feed her still. She is no pro with a spoon or fork. So my biggest stress is what to send her for lunch. What will she be in the mood for? What can she feed herself?

No one can answer these questions for me right now (unless anyone cares to comment with some brilliant ideas on what toddlers eat for lunch), so I just have to tell myself that we’ll figure it out over the week, over the month and all will be okay.

Nora is a social baby – she likes other kids – as evidenced from our trip to the pool today where she said “hi” to everyone and their parents and shared toys with a 23 month old boy. She’ll be fine at daycare tomorrow. Maybe if I tell myself that enough throughout the day, I’ll be fine too. Maybe.

AP Motherhood

I was always a good student – the kind my principal has currently labeled teacher-pleasers. I was curious too, however. I was just good at school (maybe that is why I am still there?) When Nora was first born, I read every book I could get my hands on. I wanted to know everything about babies, what I should be doing with her, what to expect, how to fix every little and big problem that could arise. My mom called it “AP Motherhood.”

I reviewed my Toddler 411 book on Sunday night just to be prepared for my first real day of summer at home with Nora.

And Monday was great! She napped well in her crib all by herself. Operation Nap in Crib, which had been postponed numerous times since the crib napping stopped in December, seemed to be a great success. She loved her swimming lessons, as usual. We had a great time at the park in the morning. She ate all her dinner without much fuss and gave me at least ten kisses before bed – on alternating cheeks,of course.

And then Tuesday happened. She woke up too early – 5:30 – for both of us. She was cranky and so was I. We went to walk at the lake to give her an opportunity to sleep more, which of course she didn’t. Then we had a good bit of playing, but by 11 she was zonked so she went down for her nap an hour early. She slept for only 45 minutes in her crib and then another 45 minutes on me. She ate some lunch and we had a good couple hours of adorable toddler playing with me seemingly saying “careful” a million times as she ran and climbed and reached both inside and out. And then I let her fall asleep in her stroller around 5. And I woke her up after 30 minutes because I was afraid she would just sleep all night. And she was MAD. So mad only Elmo videos on YouTube could cure it.

An AP mom wouldn’t let her child watch Elmo since the AAP says no media before 2 years old. An AP mom would have known to just weather the last tired hours and put her to bed a bit early instead of napping in the stroller. An AP mom would never have had to do Operation Nap In Crib in the first place. So then my mom guilt sinks in and I read my mom blogs and my mom books trying to figure out how to fix it all for tomorrow.

But then, before bed, she wiggles her fingers, claps her hands, says “mo” when I rub her legs. She kisses me on both cheeks and gives me a big hug when I ask and I realize that I don’t really need to fix anything for tomorrow. I just need to enjoy all of the moments, the good and the bad, that I am lucky to have time off to be a part of.