Our First Compromise (Maybe)

Ken says we’ve compromised – Nora and I. I don’t think she’s really capable of compromising, but it’s nice to think that is why I still have to nap with her every day. Not because I failed at Operation-Nap-In-Criib, but because mother and daughter have made the first in a long series of compromises.

The nap still traps me. I avoid the car after 11 – or I do some crazy dance, song, toy throwing in the car to keep her awake. I schedule my mornings around errands that will fit in before 11, before the danger of ruining the nap sets in.

At the start of the summer, Nora refused to sleep in her crib at all during nap time. We “fixed” that. Now she walks very willingly to her room when I tell her it’s time for her nap. She brings her baby, puts her in the crib, I turn on her white noise machine, we sing three songs, I put her in her crib and she sleeps. All by herself.

For 45 minutes.

And then she wakes up and cries and doesn’t stop until I go and get her and bring her to my bed and sleep with her. And she sleeps for another hour or more. With me. In my bed. Mostly while holding onto or lying on my arm to make sure to prevent me from reading.

I found this “compromise” doable. I had my 45 minutes of freedom. I needed a nap myself most days, and it’s really nice to sleep next to a tiny, nice-smelling baby (when she isn’t thrashing around).

Would I have liked to have the whole 2 hours to myself, yes. But at least now I know that Nora still makes some of the same faces she did when she was asleep as a newborn. She makes a very annoying squeaky sucking sound with her thumb in her mouth while she sleeps. She hates to have covers from a bed even brush against her toe (but she has to fall asleep with a blanket on her?). And she is immediately happy when she wakes up with me next to her. And when I accepted the compromise I was too. Most days.

THE Nap

The Nap

For the first two weeks of Nora’s life – when she was underweight from being early - I had to wake her up every 3 hours to eat. She never stayed awake much longer than it took her to eat. We don’t have any pictures with her eyes open until she is a month old. Even after that she pretty much slept all the time – or so it seemed. I remember going to my 6 week doctor’s appointment and reporting to the doctor that she had slept for six hours straight the night before.

And then something happened. I probably should never have reported to anyone that she was sleeping well. Night waking – night eating – night misery. But it ended and by 9 months I had her sleeping through the night (or at least until 5:30, when she’d join us in bed) and napping in her crib. And then something happened again – I honestly don’t even remember what it was exactly that started it. I think it might have been the three week killer ear infection at Christmas – but it could have even been before that. She would not nap in her crib. She would only nap on me.

And I thought a few times about “fixing” her – but it seemed pointless when I only had her napping here on the weekend anyway.

I resolved to begin Operation Nap in Crib in the summer – when I had time and patience to really “train” her to nap in her crib.

So I did. We started the first day I was out of school. The first day she cried for 20 minutes and then slept. Second day, 10 minutes of crying and then sleep. Third day, no crying. She was a professional crib napper – sometimes even napping close to three hours. All. By. Herself.

And I had a break.

But now, she is no longer a professional crib napper. She is a professional mommy manipulator. Or she is teething (which is what I prefer to believe. I mean, I can see the white bulges of all four cuspids and she has teething poop that even got all over the living room chair and her shoes tonight. So yes, no manipulation, just teething pain. That makes me feel better…) Yesterday no nap in crib, just nap on mom. And I felt trapped. Trapped in the chair, the bed, wherever it was we were napping at the time. I wanted to be reading – or napping by myself. Or talking to Ken. Or something. By. Myself. But she won.

Ferber says in his book that some kids are not good nappers – they are too curious or too “something” to be good nappers in their cribs. Reading that makes me feel better, but it doesn’t mean I don’t still feel trapped when I am stuck napping with her. And then The Nap takes on a life of its own and I ponder it all morning and think about what my plan of attack should be. Instead of just enjoying lunch and running around, I think of what will happen when I place her pretty little head on that pillow. The Nap.

Today she napped for 35 minutes by herself in her crib. And I was thankful for every minute of it.