The New Noramal

With each progressive sickness, beginning when Nora was 9 months old, I knew my odds of one day having the doctor tell me that Nora has asthma were increasing. I would worry about it, cry about it, but all of that was unproductive - the kind of asthma Nora would have would be genetic, ironically totally out of my control even though it was my genetics that could bestow that gift. Ken would tell me to stop worrying, but I couldn't help it. That's what moms do.

Wednesday morning I sat in the doctor's office and she said, "I'm thinking Nora has a mild form of asthma..." She explained that looking at the X-Rays she noticed that all four of Nora's big infections have been in the same spot in her lungs and that she assumes there is a tightness there that is allowing bacteria to grow in the mucous her tightened lungs are producing.

I thought I would cry, that I would be scared and maybe angry. But I actually felt relief when the doctor said it. Finally I could stop worrying about it maybe being true and concentrate on helping her get through it. And, most of all, if this is what will help us keep her well, then I am happy to know the cause. Even if it is that dreaded word.

And maybe I wasn't so upset because it is my genetics. Because I know that I have lived a happy life with asthma. Because I know it is something I can potentially control more so than those other bugs that keep getting the best of my poor baby.

So our new normal includes twice daily nebulizer treatments. She is on Pulmicort, a steroid that will strengthen the weak spot in her lungs. So far, Nora hasn't minded the treatments. She gets a bit antsy. She wants to suck her thumb when she can't. But she hasn't fought it (maybe because it means she gets more TV) and she actually likes to hold the duck shaped mask herself sometimes.

I didn't get weepy about any of this until I took the photo of her with her mask. That new normal may be a relief, but it still is hard to see that your baby is going to have potentially permanent sturggles. But if the first vomit-free day in a week is any indication, maybe this is a turning point towards better health. At least I hope so.